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lilygangsta's LiveJournal:
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| Monday, August 7th, 2006 | | 4:57 pm |
It's been awhile...
Hey all,
I know it's been a bazillion years since I've posted. I don't know why I felt like doing it all of a sudden but here I am.
I'm excited to be heading back to Earlham soon, but a little nervous about my already-overcommitted schedule. Whatev. It'll work out.
I was so happy to go to BYM this year, if only for a couple of days. It felt like going home. Hell, it was going home.
I was also happy that Greg visited for a few days on his way (or actually out of his way) home from New Orleans. At first things didn't look too good, then it was happy but confusing, and then it was clear and happy. For the first time in a looooooong time, I don't feel as if my being in a relationship is attached to a time bomb which will inevitably go off when I decide to go crazy, putting myself and the other person through hell.
I have a lot of reading which I've been putting off doing. Best get crackin'.
Tomorrow I'm going to begin my first-ever fast. A three-day juice fast followed by a hot bath with epsom salt, which supposedly helps all sorts of gross toxins ooze out of your pores (ok maybe that sounds gross to you but I think it's awesome). I wonder what color the water will turn? I've had a leading to do a fast for months, but I just haven't been able to- between school, travelling abroad, and stacking wood with nuns, I haven't had access to a space where lots of energy wasn't demanded of me until now. So I'm doing it for lots of reasons- A phsycial detox/energry renewal, a deliberate attempt at a different sort of spiritual reflection, specifically praying for/with people affected by these stupid fucking wars. I get those emails from Saoud in Lebanon, watch the news, and I just want to cry or puke or yell but most dangerously, sometimes, I feel nothing at all. Not that I'm under the false impression that my fasting will help anyone in Lebanon, Palestine, Israel or even Baltimore, but maybe it will give me a chance to be in a state of focused prayer about it. I certainly wouldn't claim to be acting "in solidarity" with anyone- isn't it such a luxury to voluntarily give up food for three days in the first place? But whatever, I have a leading and I'm going to do it. We'll see how it goes.
p.s. Quakers are so cute and I miss them
p.p.s. Bmore folks phonez-moi before we all have to go back to school. | | Wednesday, April 26th, 2006 | | 10:27 am |
Crime in the Cornfields
From Crimebeat in the Earlham Word
March 20, 2006
Horse barn, 3:07 a.m.: While checking the stables, Campus Safety and Security found a horse who had gotten out of its stable. The officer bribed the horse back into its stall with a handful of hay.
March 26, 2006
Earlham Hall, 3:02 a.m.: While checking the area, a black cat was found on one of the community couches. The officer took it outside.
What a switch it will be to go home to Baltimore next week. :) | | Monday, March 13th, 2006 | | 11:33 pm |
To quote a F/friend
Something in Becka's entry which was actually said by Jemma about Tom that I wanted to share:
"He didn't just die for his cause: He lived his life for it first."
This week is hard, will be hard. The sadness comes and goes on its own. Even in sadness I am reminded that my life is beautiful and I am so grateful for it: I am so grateful for those pieces of light given me. Today Hannah Mayer was completely drenched in mud after playing frisbee, and ran up to me and gave me a hug. I was wearing a white shirt. It was glorious.
A friend of mind in Tennessee emailed me, and I think what he had to say was really moving:
"This horror that has happened, this person who is not just
another body in Iraq but a treasured friend and mentor, should
give us more impetus, should give us a greater urgency, in my
mind, to heal our communities, to make the wounded whole, to bring
light into darkness, to bring wholeness to a fragmented physical,
emotional, and moral landscape. We've got a hell of a lot of work
ahead of us, our generation, but we can't let the horror or what's
happenning around us envelop our consciousnesses, keep us from
doing the Real Work that needs so desperately to be done. We must
have the strength to love even more, to have even more affection,
sympathy, caring for all the life and spirits around us. Look
outside, walk outside, look at the trees (have they started
blooming yet in Indiana?) look at the animals scurrying in them,
watch the sunset gleaming in the evenings- and I know you're
getting better sunsets there in the flatlands than me in the
hills- how can we deny the constant beauty and wonder, cycles of
enchantment that make up each moment on this planet. Even if us
humans are fucking absolutely everything up in our own society,
look at how the squirrel families are doing, the chickadees, the
geese, look at their strength, their resiliency against the
tempeteous nature of Earth and the destructive human nature that
threatens their homes, and yet they abide. The sunflowers, the
corn, the soybeans, still manage to grow in these days of
increasing sun, still participate in the dance of life, death and
regrowth.
We have to hold onto the beauty, the sheer hopefulness of that
beauty, that we have around us, and work, work, work from there." | | Saturday, March 11th, 2006 | | 1:31 am |
oh, God. what can I say? The reason I can't believe he's gone is because he's not...he lives so fully in every single person he's met.
I hope he knew up to the last how deeply we all love him. | | Thursday, March 9th, 2006 | | 12:06 am |
So I broke up with Tyler who has been treating me like complete shit for the past week or so. We were supposed to talk more tonight, but his line has been busy for the past FOUR HOURS. He wasn't so evasive when he was fucking me a couple of days ago. I'm so...I can't even describe what I'm feeling. Anger, for sure. It's not like I was in love with him. I'm just completely dumbfounded by his ability to be a total asshole, even when his behavoir has nothing to do with me or anything I did to him. I've hurt people (mostly one) badly, but never out of malice, never out of lack of consideration for their feelings altogether.
***edit***
the most amazing thing just happened. someone who i haven't talked to in over a year and haven't thought about in quite a while just IMed me with, "Hey, I'm in an odd, introspective sort of mood, and I would like to apologize for being an utter dick to you. That was one of those depressed, neurotic periods of my life, and I wasn't quite willing to express that to anyone."
...that means so much to me. | | Tuesday, March 7th, 2006 | | 4:11 pm |
as if this isn't already on your friends page
but just in case it isn't, there's a new video of the CPT hostages only Tom Fox isn't in it. there are many possible explanations, not many of which are pleasant, probably.
does anyone else get irritated when BBC can only talk about Norman? I'm sure he's an amazing person, and he and the others have my prayers just as Tom does. And with him being British and the BBC being british, it makes sense they'd be concerned with him. But they don't even mention that it's Tom who's missing from the video, or what the significance of that might be. | | Wednesday, March 1st, 2006 | | 10:28 pm |
Ugh Ugh! So I have just had a huge cup of coffee and now I have lots of energy but there is no way I will be able to focus on revising this paper! Usually revising is no biggie, but my prof gave us the vaguest possible direction for this particular paper so I pretty much have to completely rework it. I'm not stressed out about it...maybe that's the problem. If I cared, I might do it.
I am always reminded that my friends are wonderful. Yesterday/today, Tyler (the BF for those who haven't heard) was being a COMPLETE dickface and Angela just let me be mopey while she gave me a very thorough shoulder massage. Later, after he had come over and we had (miraculously*) worked things out, I was thinking about how I had to write this paper and I should go get some coffee but I was too lazy. Then Angela calls and says Hey Nea, I'm in the coffeeshop, do you want something? How wonderful. I'm so glad she's going to be my roomie next year in Quaker house. Also, she's the only person who's not from Baltimore who calls me Nea, which makes her special. Well, Nat used to and Aidan does sometimes, so not quite the only one, but certainly one of few.
Talking about "nea" makes me think of Molly. I miss you Molly.
*Speaking of miraculously. Next time you have a conflict with someone, just let yourself be still inside and see what you're moved to say and do. It's exactly what I mean to do every time I have conflict but often don't end up doing: I acted out of love and with compassion without compromising what I needed from him or submitting to general anger. Once I let him know how upset I was, that was enough and we could actually talk...I've hardly ever succeeded in doing that.
Maybe instead of updating my lj, listening to barry white and/or fiona apple, and checking my email repeatedly, I should do this paper.
Current Mood: zippy
Current Music: Can't get enough of your love- B.W. | | Sunday, February 26th, 2006 | | 11:31 am |
sorry, was that anticlimactic? *love* Current Mood: fierceCurrent Music: MC Solaar | | Friday, December 16th, 2005 | | 11:15 am |
PARTAY
ok, so can i just say, even though i wasn't looking forward that much to coming home for break, i LOVE:
-my apartment in the middle of Baltimore with a window that looks out over the rowhouse rooftops and the sounds of the city
-my job at the little oddball healthfood store and the quirky people who shop there
-being able to walk around in my bathrobe and finally get around to reading The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya sisterhood
-randomly running into Jo yesterday and then enjoying hot chocolate by the fireplace. damn i love her.
So, I've been setting up my room in the new place and wondering when I'm going to see all my highschool/Bmore buddies...and this only leads me to another question:
Um, Linnea, when's the party??
Obviously i must host a housewarming/see everyone get-together. I don't know when it will happen, I have to check my work schedule, but it WILL happen, and everyone's invited.
...I haven't hosted anything since I was like, 13, when I had 17 people stuffed into my teeny rodger's forge apartment living room for my birthday. now i have room and money to buy/make vegan treats (and hopefully the help of the three bike musketeers as i actually have little to no experience making vegan treats. oh Jenna, Good Matriarch of Full Bellies and Jewish Love, care to help?)
****
on another note, there is still no word on Tom and i am still worried sick. Still all i can do is pray and wait.
Current Music: Django Reinhardt | | Wednesday, November 30th, 2005 | | 9:21 pm |
I am praying, praying, praying constantly. Please God let him, and the others, be alright.
I didn't really break down until today after dinner when I sat in the lobby sobbing to Molly on the phone. Worship helped. A prof who joined us told us a story of a man she knew who was helping poor farmers in West Africa and was taken hostage. His captors came ot know him, came to respect him and were amazed by his light, wisdom and compassion. They let him go. If there is one person in the world I know who would reach his own captors in this way, it's Tom Fox. And I'm sure the other CPTers are equally amazing.
Please Lord, let their hands be stayed by mercy and their hearts filled with love. | | Wednesday, October 26th, 2005 | | 11:45 pm |
I want to do with you
What spring does with the cherry trees
I want to do with you
What spring does
Sometimes our love is like a mountain
Solid and steep...
Sometimes we rage like a river
Cold and fast and quiet and deep
We ride the storm
Cause when it's through
We have changed and love is new
I want to do with you
What spring does with the cherry trees
I want to do with you
What spring does Current Mood:  peacefulCurrent Music: Deb Talan | | Monday, August 15th, 2005 | | 3:42 pm |
End Chapter
okay so i know i haven't updated in forever, have disappeared from the face of the earth, etc.
i'm leaving for Earlham tomorrow. Well damn. When I got home from BYM it hit me that I was actually leaving. My room has been gouged out and looks like someone took what they needed and abandoned it in the middle of the night. My parents are sad that I'm leaving but I think they're doing ok. This entry would be full of trepidation and excitement except I'm really exhausted.
I've spent the last week packing and saying goodbye to folks. I had a party with Health Concern people, saw Clare and Sara and hung out with Rae, Jordan and Jenna last night. Pat Roof is coming to see me later today and Mike Doo is coming tomorrow before I go. There are many people I didn't get to see or say goodbye to, but that's the way of things. I love you all and I promise I'll see you again. :)
Next time I update I'll be a college student...
I'm so fucking excited for life.
Current Music: Out of Habit- Ani | | Thursday, June 9th, 2005 | | 11:36 am |
back from proverbial cave, at least for now
high school's over and it's summer. so sweet.
i'm making good friends with two girls from work, laura and miriam, and we're running together now around the goucher college campus. it's so awesome- running with people is really fun and feels great, and i also really need the female energy. girls rock.
watched kill bill 2 with clare, dave and red on monday night. it was good to hang out/reconnect with them for the first time in...a while.
and i'm SO going to visit nat in ohio in late july or early august. there's a fifty dollar round-trip ticket to dayton from BWI with my name on it.
and i'm going thrift store shopping with deanna tomorrow.
summer really is fabulous. thank you summer.
on a more serious note, my mom had to go to the ER at St. Joseph's hospital yesterday afternoon because she was having chest pains. she called me at work and i left early to go there. she was doing okay but was kind of bored, because there's just not a lot to do when you're hooked up to machines and staring at the wall. they did about a million and one tests on her and concluded that the pain wasn't cardiac or anything serious, but asked her to come back today for a stress test just in case. i'm so grateful that she was okay- i was really shaken up when she called me. p.s., all the doctors and nurses at St. Joe's were awesome and nice and personal. i'd reccomend that hospital to anyone. | | Thursday, May 26th, 2005 | | 8:54 pm |
i've never really had to say goodbye before. now i have to say goodbye to so many things... last night was the last time i'll see molly for a long time. i'm sure i'll visit her in new york, and i can't see our friendship ending, but to be cliche, this particular era has ended. i haven't cried that hard in a very long time. to say that molly is my best friend is such a gross understatement but i can't think of any other way to describe it. i know that this time is a space. it hurts but it's right- everything is in synchronisity. tomorrow i'll say goodbye to THS. i'm completely thrilled about high school ending, but this is sad too. maybe it's just because endings are sad. this thing, these people i have known and lived with for four years- it's all over now. and this weekend is my last YF conference. i don't feel sad about that yet because i haven't gotten there, but i know that i need this weekend. i'm ready emotionally to move on from conferences, but the people themselves i adore and will miss very much. to be too much of an adolescent for my own good, i will leave you with the following: it's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right
i hope you've had the time of your life Current Mood:  contemplative | | Sunday, May 15th, 2005 | | 8:42 pm |
in case you were wondering,
I am in fact still alive!
I've just been busy as hell. School is almost over. There is definitely crap I need to be doing right now but I think I will play guitar instead. I've been working a bunch of hours, hanging out with people (mostly from work), and sleeping. Prom is Friday- I'm excited!
shout out to MICHAEL DOO because I know I won't have time to contact you otherwise:
so I DEFINITELY intend to go to May conference because it is my last one, and I assume you are in the same boat. However, there is a mandatory graduation rehearsal (mandatory as in we can't go to the ceremony if we don't do it) at 8am Saturday, May 28th. Could we, say, go to conference together right after rehearsal? I think that would potentially make it a lot easier for both of us. *crosses fingers*
love you all! | | Tuesday, April 26th, 2005 | | 2:07 pm |
*yawn*
So I feel like I've dropped off the face of the planet or something. That's how it's going to stay, pretty much, until APs are over.
It's too bad I missed con...I miss YFs. But the last con is in what? 4.5 weeks? yeah. plus i hear we're having an extra exec retreat. so no biggie.
I'm so tired. so. tired. This week I'm working my ass off studying for APs, wrapping up my internship, and working a bunch at Health Concern. I really like working there, but being on register is SO much better than being in stock. I can't believe it's only Tuesday...well, it's ok. I'll just have to be tired and busy this week, anxious and productive this weekend, and focused next week. 1.5 weeks and three exams later it'll all be over. Then no more internship and negligible school work.
This afternoon I had lunch at the Yabba Pot with Hope Braveheart. Awesome person, fabulous vegan food...honestly, if you haven't been to the Yabba Pot, go. That goes for you non-Baltimorians too.
So none of this is particularly reflective or interesting. But what do you expect of a sleepy, dazed high school senior?
love you! | | Sunday, April 17th, 2005 | | 7:14 pm |
a few things in the news:
1. I got hired at Health Concern. Work is work, but as far as work goes I like it. I'm getting full time this summer and I can bike there. Unfortunately it means I have to miss bus trip con, but this is the first con i've ever missed. I'll be there in June!
2. I went vegan. It's going pretty well.
3. Annalee got into Earlham!!
4. Two weeks till AP's.
5. I got a completely kick-ass prom outfit, all vintage, for around 40 bucks by shopping around in Hampden. it's so damn sexy i can't believe it.
i love you! | | Monday, April 11th, 2005 | | 1:56 pm |
gorgeous, gorgeous weather.
saturday, i biked about ten miles. it was hard, but it felt great. i'm doing it again today. later i saw molly-bear and the outstanding michael doo. mellow, fun times had by all.
sunday= playing "sports" (a game i like to play called "sleeping in the sun") with youth group at meeting and actually being pretty productive in terms of school work. i hope i can continue with the good work ethic through APs...after that i really don't care.
all year i've had this live-in-the-present, enjoy-what's-left-of-high-school mentality, and it's been working out really well. i've been having, overall, a great senior year. but now it's so hard to do that. with the weather so nice, and summer so close, it's hard not to wish away the remainder of school and then the summer. i'm so excited about starting college. but for the next seven weeks i'll settle for graduation :) | | Thursday, April 7th, 2005 | | 6:21 pm |
Happy News
So I got awarded the Bonner Sholarship by Earlham for community service.
I'm pretty proud because they have around 100 applicants every year and only select 15. It means I do 10 hours of service per week and get $2100 per year. Since Earlham's only loan in my financial aid package (the rest of which was scholarships and grants) is about that much per year, that's pretty exciting. Also I'm required to do two summer service projects, anywhere of my choosing in the U.S. or elsewhere. For each summer, they give me $1000 for living expenses and at the end of each summer, I actually get paid $1500. When I graduate, I get $1600 to go towards any college debt.
so...damn! that's pretty nice. i'm happy :)
Nat, by the time you see this you're bound to be back in school, but feel better! I love you. (He has strep)
Current Mood: grateful/happy | | Tuesday, April 5th, 2005 | | 7:45 pm |
So, it just took me more than half an hour to do one of those Hamlet entries. There are sixteen of them.
I have SO MUCH stat to do by thursday.
I have French AP prep stuff to do before thursday.
so, after grave consideration, i decided the following:
xRaeOfSunshineXx: bleh
xRaeOfSunshineXx: homework's gay
DharmaBeatPirate: haha
DharmaBeatPirate: when our powers combine
DharmaBeatPirate: we can say
DharmaBeatPirate: fuck this shit.
p.s., for those of you who don't know, it's funny that rae said "homework's gay" because she's a lesbian. |
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